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![]() Posted: Post subject: Breaking into b d s m |
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I’ve always found b d s m interesting. The secrecy, privacy, delightful pain, deep desires…it’s exciting. A while back, while taking a S-- therapy class, I had to write a literature review paper. What an excellent cover to read research on b d s m and invest in some books for my private collection. The more I read, and the more I learned, the more fascinated I became. I wanted to know about it for my personal life, not solely as a classroom topic as I expressed to those asking why I picked b d s m. My current partner at the time, was about as vanilla as they come. He expressed feeling uneasy about the material I was reading, and my jokes and gentle prods to experiment were turned down. Then again, during our 5 year relationship only once did we not have S-- in a bed (on the floor by the bed was the exception) so I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. In fact, at one point we broke up because I had invested a small, tasteful vibrator kit. He was threatened, but hey, he couldn’t get me off! (Thank goodness for vibrators, by the way.)
When I ended that 5 year relationship about a year ago now, I put down the b d s m. Life became busy, and being newly single, I was on the prowl. Vanilla S-- wasn’t so bad again, since I had a bit of safe S-- variety.
Bringing the story up to present tense, I’ve been dating my current boyfriend for 6 months. I’ve started reading, watching, and learning about b d s m again. Truthfully I’m too scared to look around in the community based on my career choice. Sadly, I’m afraid of being caught by another professional, or worse yet, a client. [I’m still in the closet, you could say.] I was excited to learn that my current partner was willing to try some things out. Being new to the scene (book smarts will only take you so far) I was willing to take the role opposite of what he wanted to try. I was relieved to find I was a natural as a top. I followed standard protocol to try toys and things on myself before my partner, had a safety kit close by, had safe words and rules established to starting the scene, etc. I even turned my office/guest room into an impromptu playroom.
After our two hours of fun we talked about his likes/dislikes, and again the next day. To my surprise, after talking about it extensively a few times, he told me more specifically what he was interested in. A controlled scene. He told me he didn’t actually like any of the gentle pain, and was only interested in the s----l aspects of things. Keep in mind, I’m not against using him as a sexy piece of man meat. Yet, I feel again, my desire of truly exploring b d s m is being squished. I told him I was willing to try that, but felt disappointed, as I thought that was narrowing things.
Am I not being as creative as I could be? I feel like the scenes would mostly look like him playing starfish and having me do all of the work se---lly. I don’t get off from sex, and well, honestly I’ve never had anyone get me off..but that’s not where I’m going with this… I wanted something more than what could be done with a mouth or genitals. I enjoyed playing with the wax, ice cubes, nipple clamps, putting my heels in his back, demanding he say please and thank you after every sentence, taking charge… I think I would like trying to be a sub too, or the bondage/rape scene too. His response, “I wouldn’t get anything from that.â€Â
Here I was, so excited to have another newbie to start exploring what I like, or what I think I might like, and roadblock! Has this happened to someone else? I feel like I don’t know how to continue this conversation without sounding like a jerk. I don’t want to pressure him obviously, this needs to be con-------. But if he won’t try being a dom, and he won’t really let me do dominatrix acts, sigh…then we’re back to vanilla sex, only now with handcuffs. If he’s not into the spanking and what comes along with being a sub, I’m not sure where to take this. I think I’m just frustrated because at no point did he ever ask what I wanted or what my fantasy was. Thigh-high leather boots, red and black latex mini skirt with bustier, my hair pulled back into a tight bun, with red lipstick. Leather handcuffs, riding crops, pinwheels, wax… sigh.
Direction, thoughts, anyone? How did you all break into the lifestyle? Since my little exploration, I can’t stop thinking about it, online window shopping for toys, watching b d s m documentaries, reading my beginner’s books…I think this is for me.
-Lady Lucy |
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