Viantheswitch, 18

I've been interested in the b d s m community since middle school- yes I was very young when I found out about b d s m. Dispite knowing that I was more interested in b d s m than regular vanilla, I still entered vanilla relationships, all of which lasted less than 4 months. Then, in high school, I met a guy who was very submissive, but I had to move, unfortunately. Nevertheless, I realized that vanilla relationships will never satisfy me as much as b d s m. I began doing more research after I moved a year or two ago. At first I thought I fit in a 'mistress' category(though I prefer to be called master), but after some more research(and some erotic books of course) I realized I was also interested in the sub category. Or more like the Slave category. I was confused, how can I want a slave and want to be a slave at the same time? How can I get both of the things I wanted, should I just settle for one or the other? Even now I still think these questions to myself, but hopefully if i talk to others into b d s m, i'll figure it out. This is why I'm here, and because like most people on dating sites, I'm lonely- and bored of course.