Redfox4242, 47

I have never done anything b d s m before. I have no experience. I don't know very much about it. I fantasize about a woman taking control of me in the bedroom. I wish that I could dedicate my life to a woman and earn her approval. My desire for feminine approval is intense and overwhelming. I have been unable to understand the desires of the women in my life. I never understood what my mother wanted. I never understood what my wife wanted before she left me. I have suffered significant emotional grief and frustration because I cannot discern what women want. I am passionately attracted to a woman who will tell me exactly what she wants and demand obedience. This is so attractive to me because it provides such a clear route to earning approval which is my ultimate emotional goal. Also I sometimes think about taking control of a woman during s--. I do think I lean more toward submissive fantasies although I think I can also enjoy having control. I fear that if I could control a woman I would enjoy it for a time and then lose interest. When I imagine a dominant woman, I think that she could become a life long obsession.